An Open Letter to Chief Justice Roberts

Dear Chief, I read with great interest that you had to re-administer the oath of office to President Obama after the mix up at the inauguration ceremony. I have some friendly advice for subsequent inaugurations, as you will likely need to administer the oath several more times before you retire: WRITE THAT $#!# DOWN NEXT TIME!!!! You don't have to impress anyone with your memory; you're the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, not a waiter at Chili's. Thank you for your kind attention, Me PS: There is a "Strict Constructionist" joke in here somewhere, but I don't have the energy to knock it out.

An Open Letter to Europe

Dear Europe, I have something to get off of my chest, and seeing as today is a celebration of the greatness of America, I am going to say it with characteristic American bluntness. Go #^@% yourselves. We Americans have dealt for years with your condescending bull$#!#. You have constantly looked down your nose at us and our society and culture. Shove that $#!# back up your @$$#$. Germany, call me when your Chancellor is descended from Turkish immigrants. France, send me a "courriel" when your President has Algerian roots. Britain, let me know when the PM is descended from immigrants from ANY part of your freaking empire. (Sorry, Scotland does not count.) More Americans voted for Barack Obama than for any previous president. We elected a man from a racial group that we had historically ENSLAVED and treated as property! However, we voted for Obama because we thought he had the abilities to be an excellent president, regardless of his pedigree. We are not a post-racial society by any means, but we have come a long way and we will not stop here. It is time you learn from our example. Love, Me PS: Sorry to be the ugly American; I do not mean to be rude. But I am feeling the pride today. God Bless the USA.