Evening Chuckle: Fun with Castro

Hilarious. [H/T Kill Castro]

Message from Hillary W. Clinton

This pretty much says it all:

"Hired Killer Stalks the Wild Pigs Plaguing Nebraska"

"Biologist Sam Wilson Sets Traps and Shoots Critters Threatening the Corn Crops" If you see this "hard-squinting" cold blooded killer, DO NOT APPROACH HIM! He may mistake you for a pig and smash your head in with a rock, stab you in the heart, or catch you in a trap made with toy-car parts. (It happens, trust me.) Just look at this Unabomber-esque police sketch: [Happy Anniversary, Sam!]

An Open Letter to the News Media

Dear Media, How are you? I hope you are enjoying your weekend. I'm fine. Thank you for asking. Now that we've established a friendly rapport, I'll get to the point of my letter: I don't give a crap about the Jenna Bush/Toolie McTool Wedding. (My apologies, I actually don't know what the groom's name is so I made one up. However, I'm sure if he's marrying into that family...he's a tool. But I digress.) Please stop talking about it. Please stop taking up air time showing coffee mugs with the Bush/McTool engagement picture on them. Also, I don't care what the four people who live in Crawford, Texas think about it. You've got tornadoes, the self-immolation of the Clintons, $126/barrel oil, a ceasefire in Sadr City, a civil war brewing in Lebanon, the crisis in Zimbabwe (which I know you don't care about), and a natural disaster that killed 100,000 people and an intransigent government simultaneously keeping out aid and using it as cover to pass a sham constitution. Pick one (or all) of those. I know stories that require "reporting" aren't really your forte anymore, since it's hard and stuff. Besides those kinds of stories don't help sell "Head-On" or SUVs or UFC pay-per-view. But, it might be a fun change of pace for you. Thanks for your time, Media. Have a cool summer. I hope there are lots of shark attacks to keep you busy. Love, Robb

Tsvangirai Sets Conditions for Contesting Runoff

MDC Leader (and rightful President of Zimbabwe) Morgan Tsvangirai held a press conference this morning in which he laid out the conditions that need to be met in Zimbabwe in order for him to compete in a runoff (H/T: This is Zimbabwe): "The conditions include: * Security of law * The violence must stop immediately * A new Zimbabwe Electoral Commission * Geroge Chiweshe must go (the head of ZEC, above) * A free press - local and international * A SADC peacekeeping force are wanted on the ground * Unfettered access for international observers" Tsvangirai also said he would be returning to Zimbabwe (he is currently in South Africa) for a "victory tour". (BBC has audio of some of the press conference, full text of the statement is here.) Also, despite the fact that the ZEC have not set a date for the runoff, MDC will be preparing for a May 24th election date (three weeks after the results were released as mandated by the Zimbabwean constitution). I'm happy to hear that MDC is planning to contest the election, but there is certain to be even more violence leading up to it. The international community needs put more pressure on ZANU-PF to help ensure the elections are free and fair. (I'm looking at you, China.)

Jim Webb for VP

As much as I think he is an excellent Senator for us in Virginia, I wholeheartedly agree with this assessment: "Obama Should Pick Webb for Running Mate" I do think it would help him if he would declare his support for Obama already, however. I also find it deliciously ironic that Webb, who no one had heard of before 2006, would be on a Presidential ticket after beating George Allen, who would be the Republican nominee if Webb hadn't gotten into the 2006 Senate race in the first place. God, that was time well spent. I love it when a plan comes together.

Zimbabwe Update: Time to Start Paying Attention, People

[I'm still here, hoping for the best.] The BBC has an entire section dedicated to the Zimbabwe crisis that you should check out. They are also receiving personal stories from a writer in Zimbabwe: "He was abducted from his home on Monday night, beaten up and returned to his home. He managed to send text messages to his family, and told them not to come and collect him to seek medical treatment as he was instructed by his assailants not to leave the area "Or else." Because he does not hold a Zanu-PF membership card, it was assumed he was an MDC supporter. And the worst part was that he was given a 'certificate' to show he had received his beating. He was told to produce it whenever someone else wanted to beat him as proof that it had already been done. The paper even had a date stamp and the signature of the leader of the group." There are also concerns that the runoff may be delayed for more than a year - ironically because it is too violent in the country to hold credible elections. So, Mugabe's violence against his own country gives him the very justification to stay in power! Unbelievable. And we continue to do nothing...

Evening Chuckle: Thank God This Is Almost Over

I'll write more about the end of the Clinton campaign tomorrow, but for now:

Mugabe Says "Thanks", George

Tom Friedman talks about the "Democratic Recession" occurring in the world today: "The decline of U.S. influence and moral authority has also taken a toll. The Bush democracy-building effort in Iraq has been so botched, both by us and Iraqis, that America's ability and willingness to promote democracy elsewhere has been damaged. The torture scandals of Abu Ghraib and Guantánamo Bay also have not helped. 'There has been an enormous squandering of American soft power, and hard power, in recent years,' said Diamond, who worked in Iraq as a democracy specialist." And who (among others) is the recipient of all Bush's well thought out international strategery? "The bad guys know it and are taking advantage. And one place you see that most is in Zimbabwe, where President Robert Mugabe has been trying to steal an election, after years of driving his country into a ditch. I would say there is no more disgusting leader in the world today than Mugabe. The only one who rivals him is his neighbor and chief enabler and protector, South Africa's president, Thabo Mbeki." I especially like the shot at Mbeki. (Seriously, how do you go from Mandela to this #*@%?)

The Post-American World Comes Out Monday!

Update: I got my copy yesterday and have only been able to read the first twenty pages but so far it is good. Very optimistic but not unrealistically so. Also, check out this comment from my original post on the book that someone put up last night. Some good points. Fareed Zakaria's new book, The Post-American World, comes out on Monday, May 5. I'll be buying it ASAP. However, to hold you over until you can get a hold of it yourself (possibly through the links above), here are two excerpts from the book that have been made available in advance: Foreign Affairs: The Future of American Power Newsweek: The Rise of the Rest Enjoy.

Zimbabwean Future Up in the Air

MDC leaders have yet to decide whether or not to contest the runoff election that seems likely to happen in Zimbabwe at some point in the future. It is hard to blame them: "Pro-government militias have reportedly beaten opposition activists in the past month – killing 20 MDC supporters and displacing some 5,000 families, opposition leaders say. Some top government officials speak openly about the possibility of a power-sharing agreement with the opposition, an unthinkable idea just weeks ago... ...Ongoing violence around the country may make this a bad time to hold a runoff, says University of Zimbabwe political science lecturer Simon Badza. "To be honest this is not the right time for an election because it will not be indicative of the will of the people. People are being beaten and killed," said Mr. Badza." The best case scenario would be a unity government between MDC and ZANU-PF (excluding Mugabe). Not perfect, but a good first step toward fixing the larger problems in Zimbabwe. Unfortunately, I expect a runoff. Despite the ongoing violence and the likelihood of massive voter intimidation during a second poll from ZANU-PF and their surrogates, MDC should contest any runoff. They cannot let Mugabe steal this that easily. He's been weakened and more pressure will weaken him more. If there is violence it will draw more international attention to the crisis. There is also the possibility, however unlikely, that MDC wins outright (again). Now is not the time to sit back and be principled and passive and lose.

Zimbabwe Presidential Results Released

Results from the (rigged) Zimbabwean election have finally been released, after a month, and opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai won 47.9% v. 43.2% for Robert Mugabe. This is short of the 50% that is required for an out right win and the ruling ZANU-PF party has said that they will contest a runoff, which is something that the MDC rejects. The MDC has suggested that they would be willing to form a national unity government with ZANU-PF with one condition: Mugabe cannot be included. This is probably the best possible solution and, of course, it will be rejected. A runoff will be ugly...

Ben Stein Should Die of Gonorrhea and Rot in Hell

Because apparently, according to him, the goal and high point of all scientific achievement was killing Jews. Bravo, Mr. Stein. Bravo. Douche. That's right, he drove me to use (I think) the first non-censored curse by me on this site. This is direct quote: "science leads to killing people" I hope you never need insulin or antibiotics, bitch.