An Open Letter to the News Media

Dear Media, How are you? I hope you are enjoying your weekend. I'm fine. Thank you for asking. Now that we've established a friendly rapport, I'll get to the point of my letter: I don't give a crap about the Jenna Bush/Toolie McTool Wedding. (My apologies, I actually don't know what the groom's name is so I made one up. However, I'm sure if he's marrying into that family...he's a tool. But I digress.) Please stop talking about it. Please stop taking up air time showing coffee mugs with the Bush/McTool engagement picture on them. Also, I don't care what the four people who live in Crawford, Texas think about it. You've got tornadoes, the self-immolation of the Clintons, $126/barrel oil, a ceasefire in Sadr City, a civil war brewing in Lebanon, the crisis in Zimbabwe (which I know you don't care about), and a natural disaster that killed 100,000 people and an intransigent government simultaneously keeping out aid and using it as cover to pass a sham constitution. Pick one (or all) of those. I know stories that require "reporting" aren't really your forte anymore, since it's hard and stuff. Besides those kinds of stories don't help sell "Head-On" or SUVs or UFC pay-per-view. But, it might be a fun change of pace for you. Thanks for your time, Media. Have a cool summer. I hope there are lots of shark attacks to keep you busy. Love, Robb